What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Are there any more 'nun' jokes?

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Why do people with trauma easily recognize other people with trauma through eye contact?

Make Nazis afraid again!

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

According to Amy Schumer, John Cena was actually inside of her during the TrainWreck love scene. I thought that was illegal in Hollywood?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Why do people stop working towards achieving their dreams?

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

For an unpublished short story writer, what magazines or online publications offer the best chance of being recognized?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

What is the correct way to say "you're welcome" in French? Is it "de rien" or something else, and if so, what is it exactly (including accent marks)?

TEXT:

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Why did my crush like me for only two days in a row?

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

How long will it take Christian president-elect Donald J. Trump to restore our nation's moral values?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Which race of women are the hottest?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Why do I feel so lazy every time I get into my room?

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.